In the end, I am with you.

I think about you every.single.day. I wish I knew your name, your face, the shirt you choose to wear 90% of the time, the way the lines and creases feel on your hands after you get done with a long work day, the things that burden your heart, and the way your laugh sounds when something tickles you to death. I wish I knew about your sweet heart and the dreams you carry around inside. I wish I knew your biggest fear and your biggest secret. I want to know everything about you and I feel like the longer it is until we meet, the more we will have to share with each other over the years. Will it feel like an old friend that I've known for years or will it all feel new? Can you imagine? One day, we’re going to know each other, and just like that……all of these lonely days and nights won’t mean anything. All of the times you thought about your wife, the things she’ll like, and the way her hair smells…Those times we said “no” to everyone else because we were waiting to find each other…those moments will be only a memory. We will be with each other, forever and ever until the end of time.

I know you’re special without a doubt. I’ve prayed for you for so long. I’ve prayed for courage, purity, and faithfulness first and foremost. I gave you my heart quite some time ago because I never wanted anyone to have access to my heart again unless it was you. The thought of meeting you one day is the only thing that has kept me going on the nights that my heart hurt so bad. If God would have me wait for you, you must be one seriously incredible man. You’re the best thing I have ever waited for, I promise you that.

I don’t know what kinds of things you’re going through or the things that you have carried around that have led you to me, but I want you to know that when we find each other, our hearts will ready to take each other on. God has taken me on this incredible journey, one that has been full of a lot of vulnerable moments, and each of those nights that I cried myself to sleep were nights that I often questioned what God was doing. There are still nights where I wonder when I am going to finally rest my eyes upon you and uncover your heart, but I know that He is still preparing me for you.And that's reason enough to wait. I will one day share with you the things and experiences that have led me to you, but for now, all I need to say to you is this:

I’ll never be “perfect” for you….when we find each other, I’m still going to be me. The Carrie that is impatient and selfish at times. The Carrie that Is cranky when she is tired. The Carrie that lets flesh get in the way and tries to get you to see things her way, the Carrie that needs a lot of grace and mercy. The Carrie that longs to be understood. I am going to come to you full of human nature. But I am not who I was. I am coming to you as a new creation. When God interrupted my life, He began renewing my mind and my heart. Everything I once believed about life and love was wrong….He shows me day in and day out what it looks like to love someone. He has showered me in grace upon grace, and has shown up consistently for me every single day. So while I am coming to you as someone who needs grace, I am also coming to you as someone who is excited to love again, and this time, love someone the way God intends for us to love the person we will spend the rest of our lives with.

Sweet boy, I may meet you tomorrow, and I might not. It could be 3 more years or it could be 10 more years. I am ok with any of those options, because in the end, I am with you. I’m waiting for you and I care about you so much. I pray that God will give me the courage and patience to say no to everyone else, and the discernment to know when someone isn't being intentional with me. You're going to be different and you're going to stand out. You will be who I've waited for for so long...the person who will love me right and love me forever.The person that wears integrity and faithfulness on their sleeves. You and me forever, kid!

Until that special day, Carrie